I somehow feel that things are just not the same anymore. Its getting tougher as we get further...I realise that there is more than meet's the eye.
What am I exactly feeling? I dunnno either. Am I angry? Hurt? Confused? Tired? Or maybe i'm just getting more realistic now, I'm not expecting too much anymore, I'm not going to hold on to you so tight anymore. Im just taking each day at a time.
Haaiizz...just dunno how much longer can I hold on. I dun wanna let go, but at times, the feeling gets too overwhelming that I just dunno what to do. I just wanna crawl away to the dark and cry; let my tears wash away all this pain and confusion. Someone pleasee...please just help me. Pleasee...

I dunno what has happen. Maybe it was partly my fault. I dunno....but please, don't let me let go. I dun wanna let go....we can make it if we try. Just hold me close and never let me go. Tell me that everything will be ok and that you still do love me......

Ever heard the saying, " If you love someone let them free. If they come back to you, you're meant to be. If they don't then it was never yours to begin with." and "If you love someone, you'll want them to be happy even if it meant not being with you." ??
Ever heard of those sayings??

So what would you do if the one you love doesnt love you anymore and is in love with someone else?
What would you do if you know that he is loving someone else too other than you. What would you do if you know that the other girl would make him happier than you could. What would you do if the one you love is hiding all these and is just putting up a lie for you coz he doesnt want to hurt you?
Would you let him free???

...Things I'll never say. I love you...but I doubt if you still do love me. But im begging you, if you dont love me, then let me go. Don't let me live in a lie...beliveving that you love me...believing that you care and believing your sweet promises. If your heart's not in it for real, please don't try to fake what you don't feel. If love is already gone, it's not fair to lead me on. Coz I would give the world for you, anything you ask of me, I'll do. BUt I won't ask you to stay. I'll rather walk away...if your heart's not in in.

ouuuchh...it hurts...jus saw a picture that i didnt want to see...he looks so happy, and so does she. maybe they'll be happy together......crap!!! i hate feeling like this,

As I sit here alone at night, I cant help but feel so lonely. What is wrong with me? why am I feeling so sad and moody and depressed. I cant think right, my mind is clouded. Is it all because of him?? Or it is me? Am I being petty? Am I being egoistic? Maybe it's about time I let my guards down and be open with him. Be honest with him. And tell him how he is making me feel? Should I? Or would that be a mistake that will take our relationship crashing down? Well...its alreadi getting rocky..on my part that is.
Maybe I should just stop feeling so insecure and pathetic and just trust him. Well, I do trust him. But its me...I guess I cant trust myself?? Arrgghh!!! Im feelin so confused and lost and angry...I just feel like crying!!! someone pls just save me and tell me what I should do.

Its been AGES since I last wrote in here. Kinda miss blogging in here. Reason why I 'left' this space was that I've decided to move on....so called lead a new life. Well, ALOT has happen...and many say I've changed. Some say for the better, some say for the worst. Well, I cant please everone can I??

nothing to say...

Today was our first training with all the other polys and the NCC. I was rather excited but was kinda tired from sch...and mind u, im having applied chem!!! Slept in the bus on the way to TP, felt excited also of goin to TP again...deep inside me, hopes to see him there. But of course he wasnt there.
I got even more excited when I saw the men in uniform.... :p. Saw the NCC ppl. 2 of them were the NCC land and another 3 was in NCC air....I tink so. Blue is NCC air rite? And then the green one is NCC sea???
Anyway, I think I have a crush on one of the NCC instructor. He's the one in the blue unifrom. He's kinda cute. Heheheheehe....Just a crush...nothin more....yet!!! Hahahaha.....dum blame me.....blame the raging hormones inside of me.(somthing I learnt in class last week...abt the hormones in cell bio lesson)
Speaking of that....Kevin Yap is leaving RP!!!! Stoopid skool. Damn wasted. He's such a great fac!!! Why throw him out?? They are soo dumb!!! I dun wan him to leave. I really look up to him. He's like so smart, he knows everthing. He inspired me to specialize in pharmachutical science. With him gone...i will loose a source of my inspiration. And besides, his lessons are very fun and interesting.

...He's left for korea. He'll be there for a week. Haiz...will miss him. Just hope he will have a safe journey to and fro and that he will be in the best of health.
How do i tell him how i feel? I feel that there's something about him...something special. But something inside of me tells me that I should not do anything...to just leave things as they are.
Anyway, moving away from that topic, I was in the train longer than usual today. Something happend to the tracks I think. There were alot of delays.
When it is deleyed at somerset, my empty stomach had the better of me. I got off the train and went to long john silver for dinner.
And now, I cant enjoy and have proper meals. Each time I swallow, it will hurt. Eversince I had that burning feeling in my throat and the chest area incident last week, it had been hurting.
Dunno what exactly is hurting me....I think its my oesophagus. Even fruits and water can hurt.

I watched TROY on 13th May with my bestifren whom I havent seen for a long time. The movie was FANTASTIC!!! I love it. It will definately be in my list of Fav. movie. It was full of action, emotion and suprises. And the 3 leading men was fantastic. Orlando Bloom, Eric Bana and Brad Pitt....were grrreat!!!

Brad Pitt, I have to say was the best, even though I love Orlando Bloom. Brad or Archellies, was a really, really great warrior. I love his move. Especially the 'flying' move and then striking his enemy at his side. Wow....that is one great move. And his body....woah...!!! :p

At the starting part of the movie, I didnt quiet like Orlando Bloom or Paris. He was sort of like a weak love-struck boy. And plus....a courageous Coward. The part where he crawled to his brother's feet to flee form his enemy who was about to be-headed him, puts me off.....well, not really put me off but more of like dissapoint me. Haiya....but at the end of it, he emerges as the hero. yay!!!

...The weather is back to being hot and humid. Uurrghhh....i feel so sticky and hot...tk tahan lah!!

• 50 first Dates  : Very funny. Adam Sandler was amazing. He is so damn funny, cute and also very sweet in that movie. And Drew was equally amazing as well. Really admire her. I give this movie 3 stars out of 5!!!
• Win a date with Ted Hamilton  : Intially wanted to watch dawn of the dead but ended up watching this instead. Well...no regrets. I enjoyed it too. It was a bit too 'teenage movie' but heck care. I AM a teenager. Well...would you believe that I actually CRIED at one scene!!! I know it's so ikky and jiwang of me but I cant help it. I just felt the hurt and pain that he went through watchin the one that you like in love with someone else.....Im such an emo person!!!! My god.....
• Van Helsing  : Now this is a MUST WATCH!!! I give it 5 stars out of 5 stars!!! I absolutely love it. Well, I might be bias abit as in I like Vampires theme like how I love 'Interview with the vampire', 'Queen of the dammed', and of course 'Buffy'.  But seriously, it is a really great movie. Got me screaming at some point. The werewolf was really scary. Hugh jackman was a great 'slayer'.  And the story line is rather confusing as I find that they were not able to explain certain things well but it was overall a really great movie. It is definately one of my fav movies of all time. Go watch it!!!!
  

And tomorrow I'm gonna watch....... TROY .......!!!!!!!! Woohooo....cant wait to watch that. Im gonna be broke after tomorrow as Im gonna buy this gorgeous top for my dinner and dance, gonna buy a giodarno pants, an esprit sport shoes(maybe) and of cource the movie.....but who cares???
I need some shopping...some retail theraphy... :p

Still have a couple of movies on my list that I wanna watch....the problem is TIME, MONEY and who I wanna ask along. Hmmm........
The list includes 'Jersey Girl', 'Young Adam', 'Shrek 2', '13 going on 30' and loads more!!!